Spring Onions

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I’ve been trying to get the hang of my lovely new camera this weekend, my birthday present from KD

It’s very technical and I don’t pretend to understand how to use it but

with a bit of guidance from my daughter’s boyfriend

I am starting to learn how to do different things with it

I therefore give you

SPRING ONIONS!!!!

Mod Dog

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The dog was asking how my blogging was going and I said, “Yeah, it’s ok thanks – coming along nicely”.

So he wanted to take a look.

“Wot you need is annuver pic of me, mum, the punters will love that”

I told him my blog wasn’t all about him and to start his own if he wanted people to look at him.  

But he wasn’t having any of it and insisted that I post up this shot of him, taken a couple of years ago when he was going through his ‘mod’ phase

(His Lambretta was parked just out of shot)

The Seven Second Stare

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A friend of mine is having trouble with men.  Well, the main trouble is she doesn’t have one.  For a date I mean, not for general purposes….

She is beginning to despair and says her flirting techniques are responsible for her lack of success

So, ever the helpful friend, I suggested she tries the old ‘seven second stare’ trick

Now, I can’t remember who came up with this theory, a psychologist somewhere, but the idea is that if you can hold someone’s gaze for seven seconds, you’ve got them.  When I say ‘got them’ I mean, you have made a connection and it is much more likely that the encounter will go further.  In other words – you’ve pulled

It is actually quite difficult to maintain eye contact with someone for that long – try it – but the theory says, if you are attracted to someone and they you, and you do the seven second stare, you will pull (or something like that, I can’t remember the exact rules).  Anyway, basically, seven seconds is the critical time period for attracting a member of the opposite sex (or same sex if you are that way inclined)

A  few words of warning for those of you wishing to try this though

DON’T STARE. There is a profound difference between GAZING at someone and STARING.  If they don’t return your gaze after seven seconds, give up.  Otherwise you are liable to be arrested for harassment or stalking

DON’T do this when drunk.  It is rather difficult to focus so you may well end up cross-eyed.  Not an attractive look….

DON’T do this to people you don’t fancy.   That awkward moment when you have to tell them you thought they were someone else is not one you want to experience

However, if you choose your ‘target’ carefully, follow the rules and do the seven second stare, you will have a date in no time

Trust me

It really works!!!

Go on – try it!!!  You know you want to now!!!

Paper fans of the world unite!!!

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This site allows you to see the stats for your blog, that is, it tells you how many views per day, what posts have had most views and comments, etc.  All very interesting

But the statistic I find most fascinating is the search engine statistic

I have discovered that there are a surprisingly large number of people worldwide who put in the search term STATIONERY

And I don’t just mean in English.  I’ve had all sorts, Arabic, Vietnamese – all googling stationery in their own language (I know because I’ve used the translate button to see what they’ve been searching) and finding their way to my blog

Who would have thought that stationery was so popular?  I wrote about my own love of paper a while ago –  Wanna buy some…..paper?

Well, I thought I was the only  one with a paper fetish!

OBVIOUSLY NOT!!!!

The contents of my handbag…..

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I was rummaging around for something (again) in my handbag yesterday when it occurred to me that it probably isn’t like your average girlie handbag…..

Yes, it is impossible to find anything in there, so in that respect it is similar

And yes, there is the obligatory lipstick (three in fact) and a blusher in one of the side pockets – and of course my purse – but, apart from that, it is unusual for a ladybag

In fact, it is more like the inside of Curry’s (electrical store for those who may not know)

1. Digital camera (pink) – ready for those spontaneous photo shoots

2. iTouch – in case I have to hang around somewhere and need to play Angry Birds

3. Dictaphone – for all my random thoughts

4. Work mobile – for work, obviously

5. Personal mobile – err, for personal use

Then we have the collection of ART equipment, in case I see a view that NEEDS to be sketched immediately – sketch book, pens, a range of pencils and an eraser

I also have the ‘BAG WITHIN A BAG’ in there.   An ingenious little device, designed so that the contents of your bag are always neatly organised in whatever bag you are using – the idea being you simply transfer everything from one big bag to another as it is neatly packed into the ‘bag within a bag’

Since I can never be arsed to rummage through my bag cupboard (too painful, it’s where the gorgeous, sparkly high heels I can never wear live – I can’t look at them, it makes me sad) and the contents of the ‘bag within a bag’ have spilled out into the BIG HANDBAG, it is really not doing its job too well

The pink Filofax also takes up a fair bit of room but is obviously essential and then there are the THREE pairs of glasses I have to carry with me – one pair for driving, one for reading and a snazzy pair of prescription sunglasses in case the sun should ever come out while I am driving along, which it has only done twice so far this year since I got them, by the way!!!

Add an assortment of leaflets, tissues, receipts, some Gaviscon, a drug-testing kit, my ID badge and some boiled sweets and there you have it

My handbag……

Clippy cloppies

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As I mentioned previously, I went into London on Saturday for a lovely meal.  We had a thoroughly good evening, eating lovely food and drinking lovely wine and generally pretending we do this sort of thing all the time

Anyway, the usual problem of what to wear on my feet presented itself when I was deciding what to wear

I have LOADS of pairs of shoes – a cupboard full

But hardly any I can wear

The trouble is, I have never been very good in heels.  My feet must be naturally flat because arches give me pain and the balls of my feet scream in agony if I am wearing anything with a heel more than half an inch

Obviously, when I was younger, I ignored the pain and suffered for the sake of fashion.  But, as I have matured, comfort has replaced beauty and I wear flatties all the time.  That’s not to say I don’t have some very nice flat shoes and sandals but sometimes you really do need a heel to finish off an outfit

But I just can’t cope with them.  I totter along and complain loudly that my feet hurt.  I have to drink a lot of alcohol to numb the pain (which usually results in a bit of staggering, thus making the high heels even more difficult to walk in) and the whole evening is overshadowed by the pain in my feet……I’ve more or less given up now, it’s not worth the agony

Which means I have an entire cupboard full of gorgeous, sparkly high-heeled shoes, hardly worn and unwearable.  They are simply there to GAZE at now

I also have an excellent pair of walking boots I bought earlier this year

They have NEVER been worn

Whiskers and Malt

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Last night, KD had a problem trying to get a whisky in a pub.  

No, not because they wouldn’t serve him – just because it would seem that bar staff these days just don’t realise there is more to whisky than

JACK DANIELS

Anyone who drinks whisky will understand what I am saying here

Personally, I can’t stand ANY whisky but I do know that Jack Daniels is not REAL whisky.  Well, it is, but not like PROPER whisky.  For a start, it’s spelt with an ‘E’ –  WHISKEY

It’s a particular TYPE of liquor that comes under the broad heading of whisk(e)y but it isn’t the definitive brand

I am happy to stand corrected on this because, as I say I don’t touch the stuff but, it would appear that JD is not in the same league as a Single Malt  

It isn’t even the same as a blended whisky like Bells.  It’s different

Trying to get something other than JD in a bar now seems to be a mission though  

The last three times we’ve been out we have had to practically get behind the bar and point out the other whiskies on the shelf to the nonplussed bar staff

And while we are on the topic of whisky and things that begin with WHISK,

can I just say that I am having terrible problems with my WHISKERS at the moment

Women of a certain age start to sprout stray hairs from their chin at an alarming rate, I have noticed  

Well, I do anyway  

It is a constant battle to stop myself becoming the Bearded Lady

I carry tweezers with me at all times,

I have a mirror and tweezers on standby on my desk at work and I am constantly rubbing my chin to check for new growth

 Don’t get me wrong, I don’t get a five o’clock shadow but I reckon it’s only a matter of time

It’s enough to drive me to drink…….

Boot camp – day two

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I have just returned from the second boot camp session.  Well, for me anyway. 

I was supposed to go on Friday but, since I still had difficulty walking upstairs I felt it wise to leave it another day or so before punishing myself again.

That extra day or so made all the difference.  This morning I woke up early, pulled on my gear and drove up the road for the hour of training

The trainer had a word with me about pacing myself and gave me some low impact exercises to do while the others were doing star jumps and BURPEES

I didn’t know what burpees were before this, I thought they were just the result of eating your dinner too fast! 

As it turns out, they are hideous exercises but, like I said, he told me to leave those for today.

I managed to last the whole hour, working at my own pace, today.  I feel very pleased with myself!

The best thing though, is that now, an hour later, I actually feel GREAT

I can feel I’ve done some exercise but I feel energised, not ill, like I did on Thursday!

I think I’ve cracked it!