Monthly Archives: August 2011

The Art of Conversation

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I can talk.   A lot.  I have never found it difficult.  There will be no awkward silences when I’m around, oh no.  I can guarantee to fill the empty ‘space’ with words.

Possibly, I talk too much.  Well, ok, yes I know I talk to much.  I can’t help it.  My mother talks too much and so does my sister.  It’s genetic. 

Funnily enough my occupation involves me listening so you might think I am not very good at my job but I do know when to be quiet if I have to.

I have friends (and indeed a partner) who do not like to talk much.   Some are just not people of many words, for others, it is a confidence thing and for some, they just do not understand the art of conversation.

So, as is my way, here is yet another one of my ‘How to do it’ posts:

1. Be interested in other people.  If you are genuinely interested, you should be curious.

2. Ask questions.  Any questions will do but don’t get too personal.  General stuff about where they have lived, what they do, how long for, is usually safe.  Be aware of the context of your questions.

3. Don’t ask ‘closed questions’ – that is, questions that will only elicit a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer.  That kills a conversation dead!

4. Take your turn.  When the question is answered, follow it up with your own answer to that question.

5. Plan ahead.  If you know you are going somewhere that you might be required to be sociable, have a few topics up your sleeve to whisk out if the conversation dries up.

6. Most people have a tale to tell, so prepare a story in case you are asked.

7. Don’t worry about what other people think of you.  You’re really not that boring!

8. If you are that boring, well, make it up.

9. Don’t drink copious amounts of alcohol – it doesn’t enhance your social skills, it just makes you say silly things.  Or slur. Or fall over. Hic.

10. If you really don’t like talking, nod a lot, smile, and offer to get the drinks in (and watch other people slur or fall over).

So, there you have it.  How to talk in ten easy steps.

Lists

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I’m a great one for lists

I find that writing a list helps me focus, especially when I have loads of different things to do

Writing a list sets out the tasks in hand and makes them more manageable I find

I don’t actually DO everything on the lists

But I feel as if I’ve achieved SOMETHING because I’ve written the list

Tomorrow’s list is as follows:

1. Wake up (I don’t have a lot of control over this one but I’m glad to say it tends to happen every day)

2. Have wee (see no.1)

3. Switch computer on, check Facebook while kettle boils (multi-tasking)

4. Have cup of tea

5. Take online Scrabble goes (VERY important)

6. More tea

7. Shower and brekkies and dress (probably)

8. Arrange lap top and papers all ready for studying (and feel all virtuous and organised)

9. Check Scrabble goes and post up something irrelevant on Facebook wall (in case my friends think I’m dead)

10. More tea

11. Glance over at lap top and think about starting studying (I’m excellent at planning)

12. Water Fairyland garden on Facebook (well, everything was wilting!)

13. Lunch (prepared by my resident chef)

14. Study (yes, really!)

15. Cup of tea break

16. More tea

17. Check on Scrabble situation and post something else up on Facebook about how hard I am studying (people need to feel my pain)

18. Since it’s Saturday, have afternoon glass of wine and tidy up papers on table ready for dinner (job well done, I’d say)

19. Dinner (prepared by the chef again)

20. Relax after hard day studying with a nice glass of wine and a film (phew, I deserve it after all that)

Yes, lists are ESSENTIAL to make sure things get done……..

Mastering the Art

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I am just in the final throes of a Masters course.  It’s been tough.  That’s why I have mentioned it several times already in my short blogging life on this site! It isn’t the intellectual challenge.  Oh no, that is the easy part – it’s the LIFE challenge that is causing the problems

Yesterday, I was on the phone to a colleague who, it turns out, is also in the final stages of a Master’s degree.  We exchanged stories……

I realised how MAD we must be.  I mean, come on, I’m almost FIFTY TWO….what on earth am I DOING? I’m working full-time in a pretty demanding job (public sector, I’ll say no more), trying to fit in a social life and STUDYING?????  I’ve studied pretty much all of my adult life.  I am a serial studier.  But NOW?  When I should be thinking about my pension plan?  And how best to cope with the menopause????

My friend and I compared tales of how we are just not able to do ‘all-nighters’ anymore, of how we cannot understand why academics have to use such BIG words and incredibly complicated sentences to say something quite simple, of how wine is so much more appealing than reading and, simply, we questioned what on EARTH possessed us to embark on these ventures when there is absolutely NO reward at the end of it.  Unless you count the graduation ceremony where you get to wear a silly hat.

Yes, this is most definitely my final academic commitment. 

Seriously

It is

Although…….

Having joined this site and realising how little I understand about computers and how to make my blog look pretty, the thought of doing a computer-related course has crossed my mind.

Somebody please stop me?

p.s. Did I mention my course is a Masters in Addictions? (insert whistley type emoticon here)

Accentuate the positive

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I thought I’d post up a little self help blog……It’s just based on how I do it, it’s not anything more than that but, since I AM a happy person, I thought I’d share some of my secrets

1. Look for the good in everything and everyone. It’s not always easy, in fact often it can be damn hard. But, if you look you will nearly always find……believe me, it’s true

2. Turn a negative into a positive. Again, sometimes this can seem impossible. I’ll give you an example. My hubby died in 2004. Pretty upsetting, eh? But, much as I didn’t want him to, I have been able to do so many things I would not otherwise have done………my life has ‘opened up’, new possibilities have presented themselves and I have found a new ‘me’

3. Dance!! Dancing is good for the soul. It gets the blood pumping, it gets the adrenalin going and it triggers endorphins – our feel good chemical.  You don’t have to be good at it – just fling yourself about!

4. Don’t worry about stuff. Again, I know that’s not easy. And of course I worry about some things. But not the silly things or things that are out of my control – worrying about something never made it go away and it never fixed it

5. Have happy friends. They lift you up when you are down – I have loads of happy friends

6. Pretend you are happy when you aren’t. That way, people will want to know you and you will make those happy friends I mentioned above – and so the cycle will continue! I don’t mean it isn’t good to talk about your problems ever but sometimes, putting on a front helps you to lift yourself up

7. Look after yourself. Don’t neglect yourself, you will only feel worse – a hairdo, a facial, a trip to the shops or anything you enjoy. It all helps

8. Care about others. If you look out for others, not only will you realise how small your own problems are, but you will feel so much better, knowing you have made someone else feel good

9. Listen to music. It’s uplifting (well, unless you listen to Marilyn Manson/Leonard Cohen/Slipknot/Morrissey or anything by Cliff Richards)

10. DRINK LOTS OF WINE!!!! Ok, that one isn’t really a recommendation. Just a joke.   Jokes are good though, laughing is good – See the funny side of things and LAUGH AT YOURSELF!!!

Well, that’s the ‘Flossiefrufru 10 Steps to Happiness’

You can disagree and I acknowledge that these things take practise and effort sometimes but it works for me, so I stand by all of them!!!

YOUR LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT

Curse you, World Wide Web

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What did I do before the internet came into my life?  I spend hours every day online, whether it be for work, for research or just for pleasure.  I log in first thing every morning and I am never far away from the rest of the world from then on.

I get annoyed if a page won’t load in a nano-second, I swear at error messages and I spend hours and hours looking at stuff that really doesn’t need to be looked at….

Social networking has gripped me.  I Facebook mercilessly, I have three Twitter accounts and I have had profiles on too many sites to mention over the years.  I am sure there is a trail of ME that is taking up half the space online!

I LOVE the internet

If it wasn’t for the internet, I wouldn’t be able to do my studying from home.   I would have to traipse into London on the tube and sit in a library and read BOOKS or order papers from the counter and then wait ages for them to arrive….I’d have to remember to take the books back when I loaned them or face a fine and I would most definitely not have access to the wealth of information I am privileged to now…..

I would still have to go to the SHOPS to buy stuff instead of sitting in the comfort of my computer chair and browsing sites from all over the world, selling anything and everything you could possibly wish for

I wouldn’t have found old friends nor would I have been able to share news about myself so quickly…..

I would not have been blogging

Then again

I wouldn’t have a houseful of stuff I don’t need, simply because it was there, at the click of a button…….

I would have made myself a hand-embroidered quilt by now.  Or learned how to speak Italian.  Or finished any one of the many other projects I started years ago, before the internet was invented

I would go to the gym

Probably

I HATE the internet

I guess it’s a love-hate thing if I’m honest.   But I think, on balance, I love it more than  I hate it

So I won’t be giving it up just yet

Observations in a waiting room

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Sitting waiting for a blood test one morning at my local NHS hospital, I amused myself by people-watching…….

It is a very busy hospital and the waiting room is also the main thoroughfare from outpatients to the wards and other departments, so there is a lot of human traffic….  Doctors, nurses, porters, patients…… – all sorts…………

People-watching has always been a hobby of mine.  To sit and watch, to observe and to take note of what is going on around me.  It’s fascinating……..

Today, we had the old lady in the hand-knitted cardigan, talking very loudly (shouting almost) to her companion.  Probably hard of hearing, bless her….  The man with a complexion so grey you wonder what is wrong with him and how long he has got to live, and the lady sitting opposite me with a face like thunder. Wonder what has pissed her off?  The long wait I expect….  I am pissed off too……

The number of couples sitting waiting….  That’s nice – accompanying your spouse or partner to their hospital appointment, although I have never felt the need for anyone to hold my hand.

Doctors, young and old, rushing past.  Trainees, consultants, all looking stressed or pre-occupied.  Nurses in pairs, on a break, chatting or laughing with each other……….porters trundling patients in wheelchairs…….

Then there are the inpatients who wander down from the wards to buy a magazine, or chocolate, from the shop.  A fascinating array of slippers, pyjamas and dressing gowns.  Do they feel self-conscious I wonder?  I think I would……. 

Ugly people.  I mean, REALLY ugly people…….odd shapes and sizes…..people from all walks of life.  A real cross-section.  After all, ill-health does not discriminate.…

… The thing that strikes me every time I people watch, is how few ‘perfect people’ I see. I mean perfect in the sense of looks – you know, the ‘beautiful people’.  The ones we see paraded on the front of magazines and on the TV and in films.  Those ‘beautiful people’ that so many aspire to look like………..perfect features, perfect bodies….  Why do we want to look like these perfect beings when clearly, they are in the minority?

Here, in the hospital, I see people who cannot be classified as beautiful, using my definition above.  Their beauty is in their difference.  The unique make up of their features and shape.  The way they are PUT TOGETHER.

This is beauty. 

Not the clones that parade around with their fake noses, their enhanced cheekbones and their botox-filled pouting lips…….  They are not real.  Even the people who at first glance are, well, ugly, are in fact beautiful by virtue of their uniqueness.  If you look at them, their beauty emerges…….  What appears initially to be a very plain face becomes a face with deep blue eyes with long lashes….  Those rolls of fat become sensuous curves that aren’t being nurtured…….  That person with the acned skin has beautiful hair…………..it’s all there.   You just have to look.

Yes. I am a people watcher…….

A beautiful-people watcher…….

Wait for it……..

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I HAVE to restrain myself….I have a very short space of time in which to submit my masters thesis….10,000 words minimum by the end of August.  I have done about 2,400 at last count……

I work full-time in a challenging role so no time to do it during work hours.  I am confined to evenings and weekends and there ain’t many left!!! It’s ok, it will happen and I am not complaining, it’s actually quite interesting…

I just can’t throw myself in to blogging on this site and making my blog look all gorgeous and interesting just yet.  The blogging bit isn’t too hard, as I’ve been blogging for years, but the technicalities of the site are a very new challenge for me – a very exciting one I have to say.  I also feel that I will be able to blog about a much wider range of topics here than where I was before and I have SO many ideas!!! 

 I don’t think I’ve felt this inspired to take up something new since, ooooh, the last time I took up something new (I expect I will blog about my hobbies at some point).

I just have to resist the urge to get too caught up in it all for a couple more weeks or I am not going to give this thesis my all….

It’s a bit like getting a birthday present early and being told you can’t unwrap it until the actual day!

Something to look forward to!!!!

Post a Week!

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I’m new here….I signed up some time back in May but have only just taken any notice of what I signed up to.  I am an avid blogger, or was, on another site but I need a new outlet.  Just found this ‘Post a Day/Week thing so it seems a good plan to sign up for it….I’m going to start slow and commit to a weekly post but I might do more.  I need to find my feet here but I have plenty of ideas just waiting to spill out….

I still don’t quite know my way round here but I’m learning all the time

I hope you will read and support me and help me to be part of this wonderful blogging community

Wild animals

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It’s like living in Woburn Safari Park where I am at the moment….

Woken at half five this morning by a wailing cat.  Well, to be strictly accurate, woken by dog barking at wailing cat.  This went on for about ten minutes and, just as peace was restored, the flock of geese, that daily pass over the house at this time, came honking along.   Somewhere amongst it all I heard a seagull too I think….

JUST managed to get off to sleep again in time for the alarm to go off, accompanied by a distressed magpie, chattering loudly on a tree just outside the bedroom.

This is a regular early morning occurrence in this household during the summer months.

In winter we have polar bears and arctic foxes

(Ok, I made that bit up)

Don’t do that – do THIS!

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How amazingly easy it is to put off doing things you don’t want to do……

Right now I should be knee-deep in books and lap tops and things, writing up a dissertation that is due in at the end of this month. 10,000 or more words…..I’ve just about squeezed out 2,000 words of utter garbage.

Yet, here I am. On a blog site. Tinkering with my blog space, having a look around and generally feeling incredibly motivated to be the world’s top blogger by Christmas…..

I’d like to say I work best under pressure. Actually, I HAVE to say that. Because I know damn well I will be in a week’s time!!!

Ah me……

This time next month it will all be over. I will be free again

Expect lots of posts over the coming weeks……