I am sorry to lower the tone of my blog but this really does have to be said

At work, we have a ‘mystery poo-er’.  Someone who uses our (unisex) loo and leaves the most terrible STINK there.   It’s been going on for some while but now it is beginning to upset us all.  We have air freshener in there and we have a window we can open but this is a particularly potent odour and even a squirt of Forest Glade doesn’t get rid of the smell.  If anything, it makes it worse.  A sort of mingling of fresh forest greenery and sewage – not pleasant at all.

For some while everyone was under suspicion.   It was difficult to pinpoint who it might be because there are a lot of people in our offices but, eventually, we narrowed it down to three suspects.  Today, we confirmed who the culprit was, by process of elimination (as it were).

We think this person ‘holds it in’ until he (yes, it’s a he) gets to work.  Possibly because his wife has threatened him with divorce if he continues to contaminate the house with his foul stench.  I know I would.

Up until now, everyone was nervous of being accused though.  One poor man was so worried that he would get the blame he has been holding it all in.  To the point he now can’t go.  A sort of ‘performance anxiety’ you might say.

Really though, it isn’t nice at all.  It seeps under the door, this ‘poo-mist’ and invades the corridor.

We need to take action.   I’m not sure what sort of action though.  How do you tactfully tell someone to go and poo elsewhere? 

It’s a bit like the body odour problem. We’ve had that in our office too, actually.  We tackled that head on by speaking to the offending, or should I say, offensive, person directly.  But poo – that’s different somehow.  You can’t really tell a person to defecate more fragrantly, can you.  We can’t even burn a jostick.  The sensors would set off the alarms!!!  

Although, maybe that WOULD work.  I mean, if you had to stop, mid flow, every time you sat on the loo and started to empty your bowels because the fire alarm went off, it might make you think twice about settling down in the work toilet. 

Actually, you know – I think I might be on to something!